"Europe Without the Jet Lag" How to Build Community Abroad

0:00English speakers are still a novelty. Here and of course I had two cats who basically destroyed their carriers on days one and. Three, there was a lot of discussion to make sure that we were aligned and that we were doing it for for similar reasons. What are the visa paths? Are you running towards something or are you running away from something?

0:24And then what? I can't believe we're finally here. This is Americans Abroad. Welcome to this week's episode of Americans Abroad. I'm Stephanie. And I'm Jen. And today it's just us on the podcast. We're going to talk a little bit about building community abroad and some recent adventures that Jen has had. Jen, talk to us about what you and Brett did last weekend.

0:49OK, so I was really excited to talk to you about this because I think that you would have loved it too. But Brett and I spent Wednesday through early Sunday morning in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. A lot of people know San Miguel de Allende, but if you don't, I mean, I, I assure you I didn't before I started this business. It is an incredible town in North Central Mexico. It's been named best city in the world 7 times from Travel and Leisure magazine and listen, it earns it. It is a really incredible place.

1:28So what made it so incredible? OK, so it's very different from Medida first of all, and we love Medida, but it is so different. First of all, just flat out the weather, you know here in Medida it's over 100° a decent portion of the year in in the 90s almost all the rest of the year. San Miguel de Allende is in that eternal spring like zone. It's about 6000 feet high.

1:59So it's not like so overwhelmingly high as you get in Quinka or in Peru, but it is much cooler for that reason. And so it kind of is between 65 and 80 all year round. It was, as you can imagine, a pleasant respite from the weather. For the summer heat, yeah. Yeah, I just cooked lunch in the kitchen and that's I'm like all the red faced and my hair is all fluffy because it is very sweaty here. And you know, we grow accustomed to it and we think it's worth it.

2:35But it was, it was nice to just, we didn't have AC and R in our unit or fans and we just kept the windows open the whole weekend. And the fact that you could just hop up and walk anywhere you wanted at any time, it was it was a nice benefit. The next thing is the food. It was incredible and all kinds of food.

3:04Were incredible. We had, we had Italian pizza and pasta. We had tons of like nouveau cuisine. So we had tons of nouveau cuisine. One of my favorite things that I ate was at admittedly and incredibly bougie rooftop dining experience. Yeah. Yeah, at the Rosewood Hotel. But it was this platter I love. Listen, I love carrots. My favorite dish in the world is this spicy Moroccan carrot dish that you get at an Israeli deli in Birmingham. Which I had when we drove from San Antonio, Yes, on your recommendation, we had a door Dash. Yeah, it was fantastic.

3:49It's that good. I'll listen. I'll share the recipe. I found a good mock above it online, but so I just I love a carrot because of that. So they had I had this platter and it was these beautiful. You don't get spring vegetables in Merida right? There is no spring. I grew tomatoes in January here in Merida. So they had these beautiful heirloom carrots, you know, purple carrots and orange and the yellow carrots. And they were perfectly marinated. And then they were served with like a hummus and then a goat cheese spread and then topped with a mixed green salad and sliced or shaved almonds.

4:37I will dream of that dish. So that kind of stuff was good. But then also we went to a place called Pork Belly that had really good like barbecue and smashed burgers and I had steak frites and it was fantastic. So it was just like, it was so fun to eat all these different things. Now I will say I really wanted to eat like street tacos and we just didn't get the opportunity to.

5:00But good news, I get to go back. Also, we went to a a plated dinner at someone's estate, honestly. And that gets into the other part that's amazing about San Miguel, which is the camaraderie. A lot of people who do know about San Miguel de Allende think that it's sort of the Disneyland and that it's going to be all gringos. And I will admit I was one of those people. I thought it was at least half gringos and maybe more, you know, and it isn't, it's 10% gringos, which is not nothing. It's not nothing.

5:38And in some ways, you know, it's kind of fun because we saw, we went to see 2 bands play that play American cover songs of American covers of American songs. And so that was really fun to have as as a an adventure, But all the Mexican culture is there. We saw three different St. parades that happened while we were there. And so it's not it's not like Americans have come and displaced Mexican culture in any way. Right.

6:15But the other thing is that it's just so social. So everywhere we went, people were meeting up, people were having fun, Everybody was out in the streets. Every place was third place. A lot like what you experience in Portland and in other cities in Europe. Cobblestone streets, very walkable. Our host Elizabeth, who I hope is listening, hi, Elizabeth calls it Europe without the jet lag.

6:42I thought that that was pretty, pretty clever. But it is really easy to get to for us. We can fly there in an hour and a half and then it's an hour and a half drive from the airport. But you have plenty of car services. You know, it's a perfectly easy drive. And Caraccio, which is where you fly into, is a great city to visit as well.

7:02Anyway so one of the things we did was go to this plated dinner and it was a 5 course vegan Middle Eastern spread and as you might imagine from my love of the carrot dish. Like all the carrots? Right up my alley. I am not vegan, I am not vegetarian, but I love vegetables and I love Middle Eastern flavors.

7:24So we had like a cofftay and we had a carrot dish and we had a kebab with like, how do you say it? Is it Satan? It is Satan. Isn't it SEITAN? Yeah, Yeah, Satan, Yeah. Yeah, Satan. It was delicious and all these different foods. And there were 75 people there. Wow. Just connecting. And it turned out one guy was from Hackleburg, Alabama.

7:52And someone said you have to go meet Jen. There's someone here who's from Alabama. And so we sat and his whole family had gone to college where I went to college, and he just told all these stories of his family and I like, it was fantastic. So we're in this palatial estate. I can't, it's for sale, by the way.

8:11I can't even begin to describe it. But it was, I mean, just stunning, filled to the brim with original artworks. And then a huge garden Outback where they grew most of the foods that we ate, which they all cooked in their huge industrial kitchen. Then they had dozens of chickens. Then they had Peacocks. And what are the birds?

8:38Not pheasants, partridges, I don't know, some kind of other bird that were hanging around everywhere. And they love birds because their business is glass blown Hummingbird feeders. And I said you must have sold a niche. I know Selena sold 50 million Hummingbird feeders to build this place. They were so lovely. Anyway, but I mean, we just, we did dive bars, we did things that weren't like this.

9:10We did rooftops, we did the town square. And I can't even get started on the shopping. There's a there's a facility downtown that's an old factory that they've converted into a series of galleries. And it has both like little local arts and crafts. And in the back were Warhol lithographs. Like it was mind blowing. So I can see how this is such a soft landing with the jet said to me, the man from Hacklebird, he said if you can't make friends in San Miguel de Allende, you can't make friends. And I think that's absolutely true. It is an amazing place to have

9:54that walkable European experience in a place that you could move to with an hours long wait for your visa in 25 bucks to get started and then come and do the other half in Mexico. We do have a group scouting trip coming up there in October, but I can't, I cannot wait to go back. It was a really, really special, social, fun place.

10:25So I feel like I got to be like Stephanie this weekend because. You got to cram it all in in one weekend. Yeah, you socialize so much and I'm so bad about it, so I I felt like you would be proud of me since you are my greatest director. So what have you been doing in Portugal? Gosh, it feels so weird to now be somebody who's like super busy and I have to turn down invitations because I'm double booked.

10:54Like I was never that person back home. I don't know you, really. No, no. Yeah, I mean. You were in a pinball club. Yeah. I mean, I had very specific things that I that I would do or the same people just in, you know, like I was that one person at a time. And then we just do everything together and then move on to something else, whether that's me moving on or them moving on or or something mutual. I, I so today, this morning, Portugal time, the IT was the very first person that I made a connection with when I moved here.

11:35I met her on TikTok before we moved and she's very like artsy and stuff. So we went to a park and we did watercolors and just hung out and just, you know, gabbed a bit and caught up. And actually the topic of building community and like finding friends and, and all of that came up during our conversation.

11:56And I kind of compared it to dating, which, heaven forbid, knock on wood, you know, if anything happened between me and my partner, cool, I will just be the eccentric old lady by myself. I don't want to date again. But, you know, we were talking about how when we first moved abroad that we kind of leaned into this thing.

12:19Oh, we just want to meet other people who have done the same. You know, of course, we want to meet Portuguese people and build a robust community. But you know what? If they moved abroad, we're going to have so much in common. And then recognizing that sometimes you need a little bit more than just we did the same thing.

12:38And so she feels really stuck. She has young kids too. And so some of it is the the American, the parents of American kids in her kids school. And she's like some of the moms I don't really like. And I'm like, that's fine. It's OK. You know, you have to like has a lot of frogs before you find somebody. And that's true with friends as well. So for the, you know, since I've been here, but I think even more so recently is just saying yes to things to try it out. And then if I don't like it or I

13:09just don't gel with the person, that's OK. And I think back in the States, I would put so much weight into, OK, this person wants to hang out, OK, it's got to work out great. Because if not, I don't know where I'm going to find my next friend. And so here it feels like there's plenty of opportunities and, and so many diverse people, not just Americans who have moved the people from other countries who have moved my Portuguese neighbors. And just being like, you know what, I'm not the right person for everybody.

13:41Everybody isn't the right person for me. And that's OK. But by going out and meeting 4550 different people since we've been here in January, I've developed 50. People. Well, sometimes it's so we also have a Mexican food dining group that every two weeks it's like a group of like 12 of us and it rotates out. You know, some people can't come, some people can, but there's always like a table for 11:50 and we go eat Mexican food at wherever we can find here in in Puerto. And so like, so sometimes this is big group gatherings where there's a lot of people.

14:16There so. You get to try, you know, try different folks and just, you know, have little mini conversations, which I, I really like that it feels like speed dating where I don't have to engage in like deep conversation one-on-one. I can kind of let myself off the hook if things aren't gelling, but to be able to find some folks that I would really consider friends now, you know, meeting 50 people and we've got maybe six or seven that we're like kind of our ride or dies now.

14:49So like I have AI have AI started podcast. I started another podcast with somebody that I met here in Portugal where we we're re watching Twin Peaks together. And so we're doing a Twin Peaks podcast Saturday. I'm going to the beach with another friend. Last week was the first time we had a chance to hang out with a couple who moved here from Dallas maybe about a month before we did. So, you know, Dave and I used to live in Dallas as well. So, you know, we're talking about did you ever hang out at this place?

15:17I remember this place. I remember this dish at this thing. They're very much food people. So we went out for cocktails and food because we have that in common. So it's also been a an experiment in finding truly folks that I have things in common beyond the fact that we were born in one country and now live in a completely different country.

15:39That's a lot, though. Yeah, yeah, it, I mean it. I think it, you know, kind of clues folks into just an innate curiosity and like, OK, this person at least is somewhat adventurous because they made this, this big move. But again, also, you know, recognizing that it doesn't, you don't have to build your tribe just around that or have to go, well, they made the move too. So we have to be friends.

16:05Like you can dig a little deeper. And so, you know, when folks talk about, well, how do I build community? How do I, you know, make sure that I'm not lonely. Lean into your hobbies, lean into the things that you like Twin Peaks of cocktails, bougie food. I'm going to a concert on Saturday with someone who we met here, who we connected with before they moved here. And so when they got got here, we went out for lunch and I was like, we are the exact same person. So she and I are going to a concert together. So just finding these, you know,

16:36the same way that you would lean on things that you have in common back home that still carries over in your new country. But it's, it's effort, you know, and especially when you're, when you're new in a place like you just have to put yourself out there and it can be OK with you not liking everybody and being OK with not everybody liking you. And that's OK.

17:00But you will find your folks if you make that effort. And it's been a lot of fun. It's been so much fun just getting random text messages and being like, Hey, do you want to go see a movie on Sunday? Hey, what are y'all doing this week? And hey, do you want to come over and have dinner? Hey, we haven't hung out in a while. And then I can go, well, why don't you come over here and I'll get snacks and we'll watch a movie or something. It's been really, really lovely to meet so many great people and build like actual, actual

17:31friendships here. And you're kind of a celebrity, right? So you got invited to me on someone else's podcast and you were given this. OK, I. Have to talk about this food tour I just for a moment. So there is a Tour Company that does just food focused tours. They're called taste Porto. It was no, no, no. Like I'm, I'm unaffiliated.

17:55Like I don't get a kickback. I don't like none of that. This is the, if you watch the episode of Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations when they were in Puerto, that's who took him around. So they've been around for a while. They are very ingrained in the Portuguese food culture. Lovely, lovely people. Again, not affiliated. We don't earn any Commission or anything like, you know, anything like that.

18:21Part of their mission is that they fund food for folks who are suffering from food scarcity. So part of the ticket goes to fund those programs here in the city. So they are very city focused as well. So just just a lovely group. If you're coming to to Portugal, if you're having to Porto and you like, if you're a foodie like me and just want to like pop around and try true Portuguese cuisine, I would highly, highly recommend them.

18:47Anyway, lovely people. But yeah, I got to I got message on TikTok out of the blue and like, would you like to be on our podcast? And I kind of fan grilled out and I said yes, absolutely and not expecting anything. And then they, after I recorded, they said we would love to invite you on a tour. And I go, great.

19:08I want to make sure that my partner can come too. So if I pick the date, just, you know, let me know if it's available and then I'll buy his online. And they're like, don't worry, we got him as well. Yeah, I mean, just above and beyond. Did not have to do that. Was not expecting it. We got to try so much food and places that we had never been to before and dishes that we had never had before.

19:32Yes, we had a little stop in Bullion Market, but it was also very cool to be able to shake hands with some of these vendors because I'm I'm here with somebody who talked to these people every day that knows them by first name. They know our tour guide, my first name, you know, they're they're joking with each other. They're having casual conversation in Portuguese. There's obviously a familiarity.

19:53And then being able to hear these stories, though there was a story that like moved me deeply and we were is in bullion market. There was a woman who started selling flowers in the market when she was seven years old, like a child and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't just like she just rolled up as as like just just on her own collecting flowers, but like working with her family at 7 years old, inherited the stall in the market and then passed it on to her grandson who now has this lovely bespoke like tinned fish company and also produces vino Verde of.

20:34Course he does. Wow. Yeah, so he actually has like 2 stalls now because, because there's the fish one and the vino Verde, but it's named after his grandmother and it's just like just this lovely thing. And, and when I talk to folks also about Bullion Market, you know, all people go oh, like that's for the tourists. And I think it gets a little bit of a bad Rep that, you know, it's this, this, you know, the Disney World of food or whatever. But it is.

21:01So I learned just how local all of it truly is, even more so than I than I realized. We popped around there. We went to this restaurant called Guadagni. When you're here, I'll I'll take you. We had a dessert and we'll talk about y'all coming to Portugal. We had a dessert there that was that blew my mind.

21:26But this was also a cafe where during the revolution, these revolutionaries would come and sit and the tables were arranged in such a way that it didn't break the rules that they could pass notes to each other and they could read over each other's shoulder. So it was this, this little Mecca for folks fighting fascism in in Portugal.

21:47And so just these these actually things that that connect the food culture and the cafe culture and into community and just how special that tour was and against all local places. And it was just an amazing, amazing experience which I am so excited for you to come to Porto in five weeks from the date that we're recording this so I can like, show off a little bit of my town. I'm so excited.

22:13Good. I you know, the first time I ever went to Porto, it was with you, with me on our very first group scouting trip, which we did kick off in Bolau Market, but you weren't there because you were stuck at the Madrid airport. Madrid crying? Yes, yes. But we met there and walked around and it was very much like The Amazing Race because we had to kind of find each other and we didn't know what anyone looked like. And then we walked around to what one of the restaurants that has the French Asenia sandwich.

22:43It's yeah, yeah, it's a little small group of restaurants that's all over. Anyway, it was delicious, phenomenal. But so now that it has been 2 1/2 years essentially since we took our first group to Portugal and we have helped literally hundreds of people move there. The whole Expatsi team is coming to Porto in September to hang out with Stephanie, you know, do some work and planning and rah rah, but also meet up with folks who have already moved there. So if you're listening and you're one of our clients or you would like to be here, I would

23:22like to know our our clients because they're wonderful people. We're going to get together and share a little wine and, and snacks and things like that and hang out and I just can't wait. It'll be either the 5th or 6th. Do you have any idea which it'll be yet? What is your? I think? Yeah, I think most folks were the folks who had an opinion or had conflicts, they leaned on the on the 5th.

23:46And that makes sense because Sundays can be kind of, I think it's going to work out better because the 6th of the Sunday and can be kind kind of tough to get a space for that many folks. So I think Saturday's going to work out great. But you know, we'll, we'll have more concrete details probably by the time this episode comes out.

24:03But one of the things that was really exciting is, you know, we had a list of the folks that at least we were aware that had made the move to Portugal through Expatsi and just seeing how many like more than I think we even. And there's still more, you know, it's like in the my. Roommate. Yeah, my roommate from the scouting trip, she, she gets here, Juliet, she gets here in I think 3 weeks. So she'll be here in time for that Julie, Julie Stoner, who she's done some of our webinars on moving on her moving solo and she comes for our members chat.

24:42She's going to be moving from her the city that she landed in. She's moving up to the Porto area and she'll be moved in, I think right before then. So not only just growing our Portugal crew, but you know, I guess selfishly my little Corto specific Peru as well. Sure, it's nice. It's a it's a nice thing, a nice benefit that you have with so many people who are living there and to build that community.

25:04And I'm so excited to see they're going to be tons of people I've never met in person, tons of people I've never even talked to here. We help through webinars or through recommending our partners in Portugal or whatever else. So to like get there and and raise a glass to everyone for, for doing this big hard scary thing and making a life of it in Europe.

25:27And our partners from Viv Europe who have helped so many of these people are going to be able to come. I heard from them earlier today. So they're definitely going to be. And I think that's going to be really special for our folks because, you know, yeah, we, you know, we had a hand in making introductions and all of this.

25:43But, you know, shout out to our partners who are the ones, you know, making the things really, really, really happen. I mean, they, they did for me and Dave and for this huge list that I'm looking at on a spreadsheet. So I'm really excited because I know that most of those folks have never met the person who got them their visa, maybe even like never even saw them on a Zoom.

26:08Maybe it's really just, you know, e-mail and WhatsApp. And so being able to put a face to the name and the assistance and the story I think is going to be really special. So I'm really excited for that as well. Me too. Jen, do you know what time it is? Is it time for the vocal stylings of Jen from Expatsi The.

26:36Dulcet tones? Absolutely. Followed by our answer to it. I listener almost said a viewer question, although I guess you can see it on YouTube. Good. Because I happen to have written a song just for this occasion. And I've just been thinking about what it's like to wake up and realize that you're there, that you've done it. All this hard work has gotten you to this point and you've laying your head down in your new home in another country. And the next morning when you're having your probably espresso or Cafe con leche and it goes.

27:19But that realization, you know, on your balcony drinking your coffee. I think we're abroad now. There doesn't seem to be any MAGA around. I think we're abroad now. The sound of the street musicians is the only sat down and it goes absolutely but you. Know you get a little synth break and yeah, and you dance on them all because mall culture is a thing in both of our countries. You nailed it.

27:51Perfect. So we had a listener write in and ask if you had to do it all again, what is one thing you would do differently and what is one thing that you would approach in the same way. I love this question. I'm glad you love that question. Do you want to start? Yeah, I'll, I'll start I I think the we'll start with the one thing that I would do again and that is I am so glad that I didn't try to do it on my own. I, there's a lot of you and and God love you if you could DIY it.

28:30But I think even if I wasn't working with Expatsi, just having someone in my corner who had been there and done that, that I could freak out to when, when I needed a freak out and just go, what, what did I do wrong today? Did I mess it up? Am I going to get in trouble? I have this weird situation. How do I handle it?

28:50And they just go, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. You're doing everything right. Just the reassurance. I think investing in somebody's expertise is the best investment that you can make when moving abroad. The thing that I would do differently is I would have started getting rid of stuff so much earlier. Oh, interesting. We did, you know, I feel like we tackled it, you know, in in a good way.

29:19You know, we had this thing of OK, every week we're going to get rid of the bag of something or a box of something. And for the most part we stuck to it. But I think we could have done these bigger sweeps because we were still getting rid of stuff a month before we moved and. You had collections, didn't you? We had collections, board game collections, tiki mug collection, these very niche collections that I didn't want to be like you're, you know, these $100 board games that I'm just going to take to a charity shop or these collectible tiki mugs from a conference that I

29:54got in 2019. I wanted to make sure that they had like good homes, but getting rid of just the basic stuff. Like I knew that I was never going to wear heels again in in Porto. So why was I debating on which of my five sets of heels was I going to take? I was going to take zero of them.

30:12But why? Why was I still trying to like Sophie's Choice, my clothing or, you know, even even with the board games, like just like ripping the Band-Aid off again, We, we got it done, but I would have either started earlier or just made bigger moves when it came to getting rid of stuff. Luckily, we were in a very unique situation where we had friends moving into our house and they were moving from essentially 500 square feet apartment into our 1800 square foot house. So we got to leave a lot of stuff behind because if we didn't have that luxury, I don't

30:49know what we would have done with our stuff. That's a good point, and also I just realized that I bought a pair of heels to wear on our trip to Portugal. Put them in a bag and then it's like, like, like you're a businesswoman in the 80s in New York City. Wear your flats and then swap them out.

31:07It's so funny I also learned I forgot to say this about San Miguel de Allende but they call it the city of Falling women. Oh, I would be absolutely prepared then. Because of the cobblestones and I did bring, I brought some clogs. Oh, that was a disaster. Anyway, so for me, it's so funny that you say that because my immediate thought of what would you do differently was I would have worked with somebody. I am that DIY cautionary tale.

31:38Now, to be fair, when I first started Expatsi no existed. So so there was no Expatsi to help me because I'd go start it because of affordables. But I could have, there was a point in time where I could have gotten help and I didn't because, you know, we're a start up and we just didn't have a lot of extra money and things like that.

32:04And I was like, Oh, no, I'll do it myself or I'll, I'll post procrastinate the very thing I tell everybody not to do. And I paid for it and it cost us much more. And listen, you and I are both, I think people know this, but we're, we're incredibly capable people. We are project managers to our absolute core.

32:27We can we get shit done like without a doubt. But just because you can doesn't mean that you should or that this is like getting something done in the US. Like you do not know how stuff works in another country unless you're fluent and you have history and and also just the fact that no matter what you're doing, you are learning every bit of it for the first time and for only one time.

32:55I am never going to have to do this again. So that is the thing I absolutely would change. The thing that I would do the same every time was moving sooner. You know, I wish I could have done it even sooner than we did, but I just was going to take the time it took. But we had originally planned, I know I talked about the slot, but we had originally planned to move in 10 years from the moment that we made our final decision on like January 1st, 2021. And then when we took our trip

33:31to Merida in January of 2022, that's when we decided to go sooner. Start Expatsi find a way to go because I just didn't want to wait so long and I would do I would make that decision again and again and again. Our lives are so much better for being here. And even it's a unique case for us as it is because of course we made our whole business be moving abroad and so our whole lives revolve around it. But even if we had it, our lives are just so much richer and without like all the stressors

34:13that we had in the US and the healthcare and everything else. I would make that decision every single time. Well. If you have a question, you would. Like us to address. Here on the podcast, you can e-mail your questions to podcast at expatsi.com. Americans Abroad is an Expatsi production. Please like, share, subscribe and leave a review. Are you thinking about moving abroad? Start with our quiz at expatsi.com. That's EXPA tsi.com.