These 14 Common Beliefs May Be Destroying Your Joy
These 14 Common Beliefs May Be Destroying Your Joy
In a world full of ideas and opinions, we often carry beliefs that shape how we see things and affect our quest for happiness. But what if some of these common ideas are secretly keeping us from feeling true joy?
In this article, we will take a closer look at the stories we might not even realize are affecting our happiness. Let’s question these long-standing beliefs together and rethink the path to a more genuine and satisfying life. It’s time to reflect and consider a new way forward.
1. You Have to Be Thin
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This is one of the greatest lies ever told. It mostly affects women, but men aren’t immune to this lie. It’s a wonderful and easy way to keep people under control. People who are dieting, fasting, and starving aren’t thinking about how to change their lives or the world. It’s also an easy way for control freaks to spot who’s most controllable, and a great way to part people with their time and money.
There’s nothing wrong with being thin, of course, but thinness is morally neutral. Some people claim they’re not trying to control your weight, they’re concerned about your health, but overweight people live longer, so that doesn’t check out. If you’re trying to overcome a diet mentality, try intuitive eating programs.
2. Other Generations Are Worse Than Yours
Generational groups, like baby boomers, Gen X, or millennials, comprise cohorts of people born in the same 15-18 year spans. Homo Sapiens have been on earth for 300,000 years, and it’s just not possible to have these massive swings in personality in mere blinks of an eye.
The groups are invented by journalists and marketers as shorthand to write about them, generate data, or sell them products. While times change, and younger people behave differently than older people, there aren’t sweeping traits that fit into these neat buckets.
You can’t help but be less happy when you blame other generations for problems, because it keeps you from being able to solve problems yourself.
3. You Have to Go to College
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College is an incredible experience that broadens the mind and creates lasting memories. Everyone should be able to have the experience if they want it, but it shouldn’t be obligatory. Kids who would rather go into trades, start a business, or teach themselves to code can live wonderful lives without crippling student loan debt. If you’re committed to college, studying abroad can be a more affordable path.
4. You Have to Have Kids
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There are people out there who dream of being moms and dads from the time they’re children. They’re excited about big family gatherings, teaching their kids their favorite sports or hobbies, and making family memories. There are also people who aren’t so sure, who have kids because “that’s what you’re supposed to do.” Being childless is the right choice for some people. If you aren’t sure about having kids, one solution is to wait until you are. The worst thing you can do is bring new people into the world if you don’t want them—you’ll create unhappiness for both of you.
5. You Have to Own _______
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Fill in the blank with the most important possession in your friend group, whether it’s an F-150, Golden Goose sneakers, or a house in the suburbs. It’s unlikely that your friends need you to own a consumer good to maintain the relationship. Status seeking behavior will take you away from putting time, money, and effort into what really fulfills you. If you feel especially vulnerable to this lie, try a social media diet.
6. You Can Control Other People
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You just can’t, and you’ll be miserable if you try. No matter whether you wish people were less queer or less religious, less materialistic or less self-righteous, you have no control over it. (You also can’t control how they raise their kids.) What you do have control over is how it makes you feel and your own boundaries. You can’t allow your happiness to depend on other people’s decisions about their own lives.
7. You Have to Have Relationships With People Who Are Unkind to You
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Speaking of boundaries, enforcing them with problematic family members can bring you endless peace. There’s no rule that says you have to spend holidays, participate in group chats, or go on vacation with people who don’t respect your needs. You don’t have to go “no contact” to have a more manageable relationship, but you do have to learn what your own boundaries are, what you want and need, and how to enforce them.
8. Your House Has to Be Perfect
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Social media has really given us insane expectations about how our home should look at all times, but it’s not practical for everyone. You don’t have to live in perpetually perfect aesthetics to have a home full of love and joy. In fact, more often the opposite is true. Perfectionism breeds anxiety and controlling behaviors.
9. Some Countries Are Better Than Others
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There’s nothing more patriotic than the Olympics, where you cheer for your fellow Americans and watch them rack up points as they defeat other countries. But country lines are completely made up and change all the time. A Soviet yesterday may be a Ukrainian today.
Countries are tenuous areas of land under common rule. People aren’t. Thinking one country is better than another leads to weird behaviors like disliking immigrants. Countries are made up. Be nice to people—it will make you a happier person.
10. Guns Make People Safer
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Although Americans make up only 5% of the earth’s population, we own 42% of the guns. Owning a gun may bring happiness in the short term, if you feel more at peace. Sadly, owning a firearm makes you much more likely to die from gun violence. Women especially are much more likely to have their gun used to kill them. Here’s what studies have found:
- People in homes with handguns more likely to be shot dead, major study finds
- Gun-Rights Advocates Claim Owning a Gun Makes a Woman Safer. The Research Says They’re Wrong.
- Living in a house with a gun increases your odds of death
11. Judging Other People Helps You Feel Better About Yourself
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Judging other people and gossiping about them can feel as good to us as taking drugs. We deflect from our own shortcomings and can bond over shared lifestyle standards. Unfortunately, the adage that says when you point a finger at someone else, you have three pointing back at you is very true. Holding others to arbitrary standards means you have to hold yourself to those same irrational standards. Judging others also keeps you from spending time in reflection or making positive changes. Leave that behavior back in high school where it belongs.
12. You Aren’t Good Enough
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This is the biggest lie we tell ourselves. Other people are prettier or smarter or more likable. Says who? What does prettier even mean? Smarter at what? Many of us experience low self esteem because of the messages we’ve received all our lives from advertising, television and magazine, or our own friends and families.
Feeling bad about yourself makes you easier to manipulate, but it also hurts others, because people with low self esteem are more likely to show negative traits like anger, aggressiveness, or passive-aggressiveness. You deserve to love yourself and be happy. If you aren’t, talk to a therapist (or several therapists, if you don’t find the right one immediately). You are worth it!
13. Other People’s Opinions Matter
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Sometimes, we believe our happiness depends on what others think of us. Whether getting many likes on social media or seeking approval from friends and authority figures, we tie our self-worth to what others say.
But true happiness comes from how we feel about ourselves, not just what others think. It’s important to learn to feel good about who we are.
14. Money Is the Only Measure of Success
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People often say that having a lot of money means you’re successful and fulfilled. While money is important for our needs, thinking it’s the only way to measure success can be harmful.
Many people find happiness in relationships, personal growth, and meaningful experiences instead of just having lots of things. It’s good to shift our focus from just making money to finding fulfillment in different parts of our lives.
Jen Barnett is the co-founder of Expatsi, a company that's helped thousands of Americans on their moving abroad journeys. She created the Expatsi Test, an assessment that recommends countries for aspiring emigrants based on lifestyle data. Jen has an MBA from Emory University with concentrations in marketing and innovation. Prior to Expatsi, she created Freshfully and Bottle & Bone—two businesses in the local food space—and spoke at TEDx on being brave. She lives in Mérida, Yucatán, along with her husband and co-founder Brett, pitbull mix Squiggy, and two rotten cats. How can she help you move abroad?
